dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
