this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
