I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
