new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
God, I missed his penis.
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