its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
