After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
