i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
