So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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