Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
