I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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