they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
