I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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