Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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