Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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