Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
