I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
