so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
