There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
