Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
