you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
last night I used snow as a chaser
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
