i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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