why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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