Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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