....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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