look no pants
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
