Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
