I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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