Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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