i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
