Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
