take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
