a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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