While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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