so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
