I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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