i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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