Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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