her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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