i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
