Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
