Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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