matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
