I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
