The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
