wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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