our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
