# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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