I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
