I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
