I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
