The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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