How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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