He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
