i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
