is your mom at the bar?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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