Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
