dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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