Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
