Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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