I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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