Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
