I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
